The World Of Conflicting Cultures

We live in a world of conflicting cultures.

We live in a world where many women repeatedly objectify themselves via revealing selfies in various stages of undress while demanding that they not be treated as sex objects.

We live in a world where glorified rap artists brag about their own “thug lives” and describe themselves in clearly derogatory terms while many of the individuals who support these artists demand that they never be referred to as thugs or any other derogatory terms.

We live in a world where we express a clear demand to acquire the products of cheap labor while attempting to build a large wall between ourselves and that labor.

We live in a world where we regularly burn coal in order to create the electricity to charge our “eco-friendly” cars.

We live in a world where a majority of us would choose to wear pink in order to show our resolve in fighting cancer rather than pursue an interest in science.

We live in a world where many of us express a heartfelt desire to protect the constitutional freedoms of each and every citizen while also automatically assuming that our police officers were acting justified in every well-publicized bad outcome.

We live in a world where many wealthy individuals who protect themselves with armed guards at all times demand strict gun control for the masses.

We live in a world where many individuals express a solemn desire to protect the “sanctity of marriage” while they have simultaneously destroyed the sanctity of marriage.

We live in a world where we feign concern about the dangers of legalized marijuana while an entire generation of young people lose their lives to a prescription opioid epidemic.

We live in a world where we voice our concerns about abusive child labor practices around the world on smartphones which were made by young children in China.

We have become completely schizophrenic as a society.

We are becoming a world full of hypocrites.

The Quiet and Beautiful Life of William Kuriger

My father-in-law finally lost his long and courageous battle with esophageal cancer.  He wasn’t just our most amazing family member… he was our hero.  I recently wrote a eulogy for him which was presented by my wife at his funeral yesterday and she spoke for every single one of us.  The following is the text of the original eulogy which we provided for our family.

“Most people would agree that William Kuriger was a man of few words.  If brevity is truly the soul of wit then he was very likely to be one of the wittiest men to ever walk the Earth.   Telling his family members that he loved them came quite easily throughout his life, but getting much else out of this man was sometimes a chore.  It often seemed that he considered each question presented to him as a personal challenge to provide an answer with the fewest number of words possible.

We live in a world that is so full of talk.   We are bombarded almost daily with people who brag about their lives and accomplishments.  Promises don’t seem to mean as much as they used to and words are often thrown around carelessly.  We are exposed to so much chatter these days that it has almost become background noise.  It makes you wonder how soft spoken people are ever supposed to get noticed in today’s world.

Bill Kuriger had plenty to say to every single one of us if we were just willing to listen… he simply spoke to us through non-conventional means.  He spoke to us through his sixty-year marriage to Dolores.  He taught us about the value of personal loyalty and uncompromising devotion. He showed us to take your marriage vows seriously including the parts about sickness and health.  He made sure we all knew that “happily ever after” isn’t just a phrase for storybooks.   He and his beloved wife took on major setbacks in life with a grace and dignity which was inspiring.

He spoke to us in the way that he raised his seven children.  He showed us the importance of being a provider for your family and the model of consistency.  His calm demeanor and steady presence earned respect from others and he offered mutual respect in return.  He spoke to us through the lives of his grandchildren, as well.  Their grandpa was always willing to read a story or play catch.  He was even willing to travel across the entire country in order to attend their wedding or graduation. He taught us all how to truly be present in the lives of our loved ones.

He spoke to our love of knowledge.  As a college professor at the University of Oklahoma, he taught multiple generations how to start asking the right questions.  He was usually the smartest guy in the room but he never acted like it.  He showed us all that we never stop being students and that we should always be open to the concept of learning new things.  He also spoke to our love of country. As a member of the United States Marine Corps, he taught all of us about the importance of selflessness, sacrifice, and raw determination.

Most importantly, Bill Kuriger spoke to all of us through his faith.  He did not need to use many words for himself as long as he lived in a manner which was true to the word of God.   He preached the gospel on a daily basis without even needing to open his mouth.   He told God that he loved Him in the best way possible… he showed Him.

We have gathered here today to remember the quiet and beautiful life of William Kuriger.  Everyone here today wants you to know that we were listening, Bill.  We heard you.  We found your amazing voice above the cacophony of endless chatter and background noise.  You were one of the greatest teachers that any of us ever knew… and you spoke volumes.”

 

 

The Last Resort

I have always considered myself to be a very peaceful person.

I would not necessarily call myself a pacifist but I have always believed that physical violence should always be used as the very last resort.

I was bullied as a small child and I learned at a very early age that violence is rarely ever the answer.

I told my son when he first started school that I never wanted to see him act like a bully.

I expected him to be the kid who stood up to the bullies.

I am always very forward looking and I generally try to avoid conflict.

I do have guns in my home and I always have.

I grew up hunting and learned proper gun safety before I even learned how to drive.

I do not “love guns” and I do not “hate guns.”

I simply have guns in my life just like kitchen utensils… because they serve a valuable purpose.

Hunting is no longer the purpose for my guns because I rarely go hunting anymore.

The purpose of my guns is to protect me and my family from thieves, thugs, traitors, and tyrants.

I am saying this right now because I need to explain something very important.

I feel comfortable saying this today because most of the people who consider my guns to be a potential threat to the rest of society are virtually powerless in the political arena right now.

I believe deep down in my soul that some of the people who consider my guns to be a threat to the rest of society will eventually regain control of this nation one day.

I believe that a power grab to completely disarm me still may occur within my lifetime.

I feel the need to inform you of something in order to avoid a potential conflict down the road.

If you do ever show up at my door and demand that I surrender my weapons…

I will remember every school yard bully who only picked on the weak and the vulnerable.

I will recall the very first shots fired from the Old North Bridge against the oppressive threat of tyranny in Concord.

Most importantly, I will remember the very important lessons that our founding fathers tried to teach each and every one of us.

I will immediately recognize that you are the tyrant that John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison tried to warn us about.

This will be the moment of my last resort… and I will open fire.

Sincerely,

An American Patriot

Wivez n the Hood

gang member

“You touch my shoes and I will f%@king kill you”, a young gang-banger muttered under his breath to my family as we all boarded the crowded train.

I had just finished watching some of the March Madness tournament with my wife and son in Houston, Texas. As we entered the train car and headed back towards our hotel, my wife sat directly next to a young African-American male dressed complete in gangbanger garb with multiple tattoos and gold chains while I sat directly across from him. My son stood in the aisle just a few inches away from his very expensive “Air Jordan” basketball shoes.

This young man looked angry at the entire world. My son and I immediately heard the overt threat of violence from this young man as we boarded the train but my wife had not.

My wife just started looking at this boy and smiling.

“Oh, God… don’t do it, Janet.” I thought to myself. “This guy just threatened to kill us. Look straight ahead and do NOT talk to this guy.”

“So”, my wife said to the young man, “did you go to the basketball game?”

The boy looked legitimately startled that this middle-aged white woman whom he had just threatened would try to start a conversation with him.

“What?” He looked annoyed. “No way. I don’t have the money to do stuff like that.”

My wife replied, “Oh, I’m sorry. But it’s really fun. You should go someday if you get the chance.”

“Pfffftttt.” The boy dismissed her recommendation and gazed down at his smartphone which had a completely shattered screen.

My wife immediately noticed his broken phone and said to him, “Wow, your phone has had a rough life.”

“I have had a rough life!” He barked back at her in an attempt to get her to leave him alone.

My wife then immediately asked him, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Why have you had a rough life?”

I immediately thought to myself, “We are all going to die tonight. We are all totally going to die.”  My son continued to stare at his mother in silent disbelief.

“You wanna hear why I had a rough life? How long you gonna be on this train?” The young man chuckled at himself which also made my wife laugh.

“Y’all pretty cool. Y’all on vacation down here or something?” The boy said to my wife.

“Why yes, we are!” My wife proclaimed. She went on to tell this young “gang-banger” all about our vacation plans.

The next thing I know, this young man who had threated to kill us just moments earlier is engaged in SMALL TALK with my wife! They are both smiling and interacting with one another. They are making each other laugh!

Eventually, we reached our destination and my wife told him, “This is our stop, you have a great evening.”

“You, too.” The young man said. “Y’all enjoy the rest of your vacation.”

As we stepped off the train, my son approached his mother and said, “Mom, did you not hear that guy threaten to KILL US?”

“What?” My wife was completely startled by this new information. “That boy was sweet. He was not going to kill anybody!”

I don’t know what my wife was thinking on this evening. Maybe she was just being naive or perhaps she was the wisest person on the train that night. All I know is that my sweet and wonderful wife is an amazing force for good in this ugly world… and sometimes love really does conquer all.

Dear Colin Kaepernick

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Dear Colin Kaepernick,

You don’t have to stand at attention during the national anthem if you don’t want to. You live in a free country. Tens of thousands of Americans have died throughout our history in order to protect your right to protest in any way that you wish. Many people in this country such as yourself have a legitimate issue with recurrent prejudicial practices within our law enforcement system. A variety of means to address these concerns are readily available in a free society. You need to understand however that the symbolism of your recent gesture is grossly misguided.

I can assure you without hesitation that the United States of America is not your problem. In fact, this great nation is the fearless gatekeeper that keeps the real nasty guys in this evil world at bay while we all work out our petty differences. I would recommend that you go over to Syria for a few months and then see for yourself where you rank “unfair police practices” on your overall list of sociopolitical concerns.

You are a lucky man for many reasons tonight. You are lucky because you were born with raw athletic talent. You are lucky that you were born in the United States of America where you are allowed to profit wildly from that talent. But most importantly, you are lucky because our flag doesn’t give a damn about your antics this weekend. You can ignore that flag… you can turn your back on it… you can spit on it… and you can even burn that flag if you want to. The American flag and all of the amazing people that it represents will continue to protect you and your God-given right to express yourself in any way you see fit.

But please understand how you appear to the rest of us when you express this open resentment towards our flag. You look like a fish that resents water or a plant that resents sunlight. You appear too foolish to understand the very environment around you which has been keeping you safe and allowing you to flourish. The United States of America has been acting as your own personal diving cage in a world full of sharks. Some people might mistakenly think that it took courage to do what you did this weekend. The real courage was exhibited by brave Americans over the past 238 years who paved the way for you to be able to protest this weekend without fear of serious retribution. You were trashing our country while still hiding behind Lady Liberty’s skirt.

We need to have a serious discussion about race relations, gun violence, and prejudicial police practices in this country. However, you are no longer qualified to lead this discussion. You trashed the American flag. You trashed the very same flag which protects all of our personal freedoms… and we all have the God-given constitutionally-protected right going forward to ignore your stupid sorry ass.

Sincerely,

An American Citizen

What if Lemonade Stands Were Run Like the United States Healthcare Industry?

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Lemonade would originally start out at twenty-five cents per cup.  A large sign would advertise the price and anyone who was thirsty and had a quarter could purchase a cup of lemonade.

Some people eventually start showing up at the lemonade stands who are very thirsty but do not have any money.  Politicians decide that this is not fair.

The government sets up a system where the neighbors living down the street pay for any of the lemonade that the poor customers cannot afford.   They set the price at a dime per cup.  For the lack of a better term, this government program is called “Lemon-aid.”

The lemonade stand operators begin to sell cheaper lemonade to the low-income customers but they soon realize that they are losing money on each customer because of the cost of the ingredients.  They decide to continue to sell poor people lemonade for a dime but they begin to sell lemonade to everyone else for fifty cents per cup in order to make up the difference.

Poor people from all around the neighborhood find out about the “affordable” lemonade.  They start coming around and ordering multiple cups.  The lemonade stand operators increase prices on paying customers once again to make up the difference due to the increased volume of low-income customers.  Due to the high volume of customers, the lemonade stand operators decide that they need to hire extra employees to help produce the lemonade.  The cost of these new employees is added to the price of the lemonade.

Eventually, a few of the customers get very sick after drinking the lemonade. People believe that some of the lemonade was possibly contaminated.  They sue the lemonade stand operators and each victim is awarded with ten-thousand dollars.  People in the neighborhood hear of this news and other customers start falsely claiming that their lemonade was also contaminated in order to file their own lawsuits.  The lemonade stand owners decide to purchase insurance as protection from future lawsuits.  The cost of this insurance is passed on to the consumer through the price of the lemonade.

Politicians hear the news that multiple people are having issues with possible lemonade contamination.  They require that all lemonade stand operators become licensed.  These lemonade stand operators have to pass a test every seven years to prove that they still know how to make lemonade which is both safe and delicious.  These tests costs one-thousand dollars each and the expense from these exams are then passed on to the consumer.

It is soon discovered that a few lemonade stand operators were billing “Lemon-aid” payments for lemonade that had not actually been sold.  These lemonade stand operators are sent to jail on “Lemon-aid” fraud charges.  Because of this, politicians decide that all lemonade stand operators need to provide extensive documentation for each cup of lemonade that is produced.  Each document needs to have fourteen descriptive bullet points for each cup of lemonade sold or the lemonade stand operator will otherwise not be reimbursed.

Lemonade stand operators subsequently hire extra staff members to deal with required increased documentation of lemonade production.  The costs of these new salaries are added to the cost of the lemonade.  Lemonade stand operators tell the government that they can no longer afford to sell lemonade to low-income customers at just a dime per cup.  The price of everyone’s lemonade begins to climb dramatically.

As prices continue to skyrocket, more and more people find that lemonade has simply become unaffordable.  Some people buy lemonade insurance which will help them to purchase lemonade but only when they really get thirsty.  Others simply go without lemonade.  Prices become so high that lemonade stand operators remove all advertised pricing from their lemonade stands.  Most customers have no idea what lemonade costs any longer because someone else is now paying for it.

The neighbors down the street are gradually becoming bankrupt while trying to pay for everyone else’s “Lemon-aid.”  After maxing out all of their personal credit cards, they set up a counterfeiting ring with printing presses in their basements in order to be able to continue paying for everyone else’s expensive lemonade.

A new mayor named Barry O’Malley is elected during all of this lemonade chaos.  Nobody knows how it happened, but somehow lemonade is over 50 dollars per cup.  He promises real solutions to address the overwhelming price of lemonade.   Mayor O’Malley ultimately decides that lemonade has now become too expensive because there is not enough oversight and government regulation. The community passes a law called the “Affordable Lemonade Act” but most people simply refer to it as O’Malleycare.

Laws go into place stating that everyone must purchase at least one-month worth of lemonade per year even if they don’t plan to come anywhere near a lemonade stand.   The law also states that small cups of lemonade are now illegal.  Everyone much purchase an extra-large 44-ounce cup of lemonade regardless of their individual thirst level.   The government then plans to subsidize people who cannot afford these mandatory payments by providing these people with money from the neighbors down the street who are already broke.   These mandatory payments are established on an insecure 200-million dollar government website which crashes every twenty seconds and retains no data.

Politicians also pass laws stating that each lemonade stand must purchase its own computer equipment in order to make all lemonade documentation electronic.  Portals must be set up so that any customer can access a computer and see exactly how their lemonade was produced.   Rules are established that ten-percent of all customers must be given “lemonade information handouts” which explains to them exactly how lemonade is made.  Each lemonade stand is responsible for documenting how many information handouts were given to their customers.  More people are hired to deal with all of the new rules and regulations.  These costs are passed down to the cost of the lemonade.

Some of the older lemonade stand operators do not like the new rules and they decide to leave the lemonade making business for good.  In order to save money, these experienced individuals are replaced with trained monkeys who wear tiny hats and are referred to as “lemonade stand assistants”.  The original lemonade stand operators who remain are told that they have to produce lemonade twice as fast as they used to while keeping up with all of the new layers of documentation.  Inexplicably, the quality of lemonade continues to decline while the price of lemonade continues to go up.

The citizens gradually become frustrated and turn their anger towards the lemonade stand operators themselves.  They start referring to lemonade stand operators as “heartless” and “greedy money-grubbers.”

The people turn their attention to politicians who claim that government has not done enough to fix this problem.

They begin to believe that lemonade is a God-given right and that all lemonade should be free for everyone.

They still have not learned the very painful lesson that nothing is ever actually free in our complex and ever-evolving economy.

They still do not understand the important principle that government “help” eventually comes with a very steep cost.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Libertarianism 101

Libertarian Flag

Allow me to explain something about Libertarians. Just because we believe something should be legalized does not mean that we condone it in any way.

I believe that prostitution should be legalized. I also believe that this is a pretty terrible way to make a living.

I believe that drugs should be legalized. I absolutely hate drugs and wish that they did not exist.

I think that driving around without wearing a seat belt should be legal and I would never get in a car without wearing one.

I believe that homosexual couples should have every legal right that heterosexual couples enjoy and I am not attracted to men in any way except for an occasional fleeting issue with Ryan Gosling.

Libertarians do not push for changes in our legal system because we are a bunch of hedonists who want to have a huge drug-fueled orgy. We push for these changes because we believe in constitutional liberty.

We believe that consenting adults should be able to do whatever they please as long as they are not hurting anyone else.

We don’t believe in passing laws to prevent people from going to hell.

We believe that adults are responsible for their own decisions.

We believe that adults are responsible for the repercussions from those decisions.

We believe those same adults are responsible for their own healthcare costs in order to deal with the aftermath from those repercussions.

We believe that the legal system should only be used to protect us from everyone else and should never be used to protect us from ourselves.

Libertarianism allows for everyone to achieve their true potential in life regardless of how good or bad that outcome might be. Adults don’t need parents. Adults need freedom.

The Road Not Taken

 

trump and sanders

The “United” States of America has now become so politically polarized that a crony capitalist and an overt communist are currently leading in the polls while a large swath of voters in the middle go completely unrepresented.

Trump is not just a “capitalist”… he is the worst kind of capitalist. He uses his wealth to influence politicians and to ultimately get what he wants. He uses the laws created by this influence to circumvent the rights of others. He uses eminent domain laws to take the property of others. He uses bankruptcy laws to clear himself of his previous financial obligations. Donald Trump is the ugly underbelly of capitalism.

Sanders is not just a “democratic socialist”… there is a reason that the Democratic party has been unable to explain the difference between a Democrat and a socialist. The Democratic party became a socialist party many years ago. Bernie Sanders is now using the old definition of “democratic socialism” which is what we all called communism over fifty years ago. Do you remember the old USSR? The second “S” stands for socialists. By most modern definitions, Bernie Sanders voices political positions which currently border on our old definitions of communism.

The United States of America is currently at a crossroads… and from my vantage point, both paths will lead us straight to hell.

My Name Is Michael But You Can Call Me Henry

Henry

My name is Michael but you can call me Henry.

“Henry” is an acronym for High-Earner-Not-Rich-Yet.

That’s me.

I’m the guy that did everything right.

I come from a family of immigrants who pulled themselves up from far below the poverty line.

My parents stressed to me the importance of a good education.

Neither my wife nor myself have ever been personally provided with a single dime of inheritance.

I took all of the hardest classes in college and studied at least eight hours per day while many others around me goofed off and had a good time.

I went to medical school and became a doctor.

When I was in my 20’s, I often worked over 90 hours per week in residency while making only 33,000 dollars per year.

Even though I worked 90 hour work-weeks during my residency, I still usually would moonlight on most weekends for additional 60 hour shifts in order to rapidly pay down my loans.

I have never asked a union leader to artificially inflate my value in the workplace.

For years, my wife and I lived in an 88,000 dollar home which we quickly paid off and got into the early habit of saving at least 50 percent of our income.

My wife and I stood by and watched people with one sixth of our household income purchase houses at least three times bigger than ours with no money down.

I buy almost all of my clothes at Wal-Mart and many people who do not know me simply assume that I am poor.

My wife and I paid off over 160,000 dollars of debt before I turned twenty eight.

I started my own business and eventually purchased a large apartment complex.  I gradually paid down the mortgage on this property until it was completely paid off.

I have always paid all of my taxes and the only contribution to my lifetime criminal record was a speeding ticket which I received when I was 18-years-old.

I have absolutely no debt.

I did not “cheat” anyone else to get where I am today.

I have never played the “victim card.”

I have never received a single penny of public assistance.

I have never declared bankruptcy or asked for any of my debt to be “forgiven.”

I drive a ten-year-old used pick-up truck and I paid cash for it.

My house is over 40 years old and has a few holes in it but it’s mine.

I took all of my money out of the stock market in 2007 and completely avoided the market collapse.

I would like to say I have been fortunate in life but this is untrue.  I have earned everything I have through planning, education, and hard work.

I usually pick political candidates that get around four percent of the popular vote.

My wife and I paid slightly over 310,000 dollars in federal, state, property, and sales taxes in 2010 alone.

My wife and I have contributed to Social Security for over twenty years with the expectation that we will never see a dime of this money.

I don’t have a personal chef, personal trainer, or butler.  I hire a housekeeper to clean our house twice a month and she drives a car much nicer than the one I drive.

I plan to avoid the upcoming currency collapse by putting many of my assets into commodities and real estate.

My country now runs up huge amounts of debt and turns its eyes to me once again.

I am told that I need to pay my fair share of taxes.

I am told that I should feel grateful for what I have.

I am told that the fruits of my labor will eventually need to be “redistributed.”

I now see large crowds of young Americans attending the political rallies of self-described socialists.

I am told not to complain about my current situation.

I say all of this not to complain… but simply to inform.

I am tired.

I am growing weary of a system that punishes the winners and rewards the losers.

I am growing angry over a system of taxation without representation.

I announced last year that I was officially walking away from the practice of medicine for good.

My country has lost another doctor and another taxpayer.

I do not seek your approval for my life choices and I couldn’t care less about your criticism.

I am going to focus less on making money and more on improving myself by exercising, reading, and teaching myself to become maximally self-sufficient.

I am awaiting our country’s economic collapse.

Most importantly, I am going to teach my son about the principles that this country was founded on.  I pray that he can be the kind of individual who can pick up the pieces and help rebuild this country into something great once again.

Our citizens will soon learn that we all get the country that we deserve.

 

An Inconvenient Lie and the Ugly Truth about Global Warming

Earth

Oh, no!  Here we go again.  Here comes another crazy article from one of those “climate change deniers.”  Although, I suppose that if I had been born during the ancient pre-Socratic era that many of you would have been referring to me back then as one of those “round-Earthers”.  You might now be wondering to yourself why I picked the time before Socrates as my example for the prevalence of the flat-Earth theory when it is common knowledge that Christopher Columbus proved to everyone that the world was round back in 1492.  You might be surprised to learn that what your teachers taught you in school was completely wrong and that the round-Earth model was widely accepted before Columbus left on his historic voyage. That is the thing about common knowledge.  It commonly ends up making us all look like misinformed fools.

So what makes me qualified to make statements regarding man-made global warming?  Well, I certainly have a background which is firmly rooted in science.  I graduated with a chemistry degree from Hendrix College and presented my research regarding the synthesis of conformationally mobile bicyclic tetrahydro-1,2-oxazines by isomerization of isoxazolidinylmethyl tosylates to the American Chemical Society in 1991.  Wait!  Don’t scamper away like a frightened bunny!  I am only using these big scary scientific words as evidence that I know what the heck I am actually talking about.  I plan to only use smaller and non-threatening words going forward.  I should also point out that I am a medical doctor who worked for years as an associate professor for a local university.   I certainly have more of a scientific background than Al Gore or Bill Nye.   Most importantly, I need you to understand that I am not some redneck sitting on his back porch wearing a tin-foil hat in order to prevent the government from reading my thoughts.

So… am I writing this article in order to explain to everyone that the world has not recently been in a warming trend?  Absolutely not!   Would you stop asking me all of these damn questions and just let me explain?  Our planet has clearly been in a warming trend from 1975 to 1998.  There is no dispute over this fact from anyone.  However, we do have a giant logistical hurdle that must be cleared before I can even attempt to begin to change your mind regarding the issue of man-made global warming.  It is the 500-pound gorilla in the room that must be addressed.  You have had it drilled into your head over the past few years that 97 percent of all scientists now agree that global warming is due to carbon emissions produced by humans.   The debate is over.  The science is clear.  Alternate climate theory is to be mocked and ridiculed.   Stick a fork in this debate… it’s done.  So let me ask you something… other than the facts that Christopher Columbus taught us all that the Earth was round and that 97 percent of all scientists agree that man-made global warming is real, what other actual science do you really know for yourself regarding the Earth and its climate?  Most of your “so-called knowledge” is probably based on what politicians have told you in the past.  To really understand the history of the global warming debate you really need to break the explanation down into two separate but important parts:  the science and the politics.   Let’s start with the science.

If you listen to some environmentalists talk, you would think that our planet had been going along just fine for thousands of years and then suddenly experienced a rise in global temperatures with the onset of the Industrial Revolution.  It really is too bad that things did not happen like this in our actual history because it truly would make a compelling argument for man-made global warming.  Unfortunately, facts can be stubborn things.   The recorded temperature of our planet has been fluctuating wildly for many thousands of years before the Industrial Revolution. One of these periods that should be examined closely is commonly referred to as the “medieval warm period.”  This was a period from 950 to 1250 in which our planet sustained much higher temperatures than the ones that we all experience today, yet our Earth did not experience any awe-inspiring surges in its ocean levels.   This period of time was actually pretty boring in the grand scheme of things except of course for when Genghis Khan soundly defeated the Khwarezmian Empire… that dude was completely nuts!

When it comes to the theoretical melting of the polar ice caps, I would like for all of you to do a little experiment.  Go and get a drinking glass from your kitchen.  I want you to fill this glass with as much ice as physically possible.  You need to see mountains of ice coming up over the top of this container.  Next, I would like for you to fill this glass up with water until it reaches the very top.  Then allow your experiment to sit somewhere at room temperature. You know what happens next because you have seen this disaster with ice cream before, right?  Wrong!  If you allow this experiment to melt before your very eyes, you will discover not only that you did not make a mess but that the water level is now lower than you first started.  Is this magic?   Am I some sort of witch or wizard?  Before you and Al Gore burn me at the stake, allow me to explain to you what happens with water when it freezes… it expands.  And guess what happens to ice when it melts… it goes the other way… the opposite of expands… it shrinks?  Let’s just say that ice takes up much more space than water.  For all of the ice you see above the water both in your container and at the polar ice caps, there is much more ice below the surface. Some areas around the northern ice cap have repeatedly melted and refrozen throughout the history of our planet but this does not result in rising sea levels… because our oceans and seas are not a bunch of idiots and these bodies of water understand basic chemistry and physics.

Moving on, the medieval warm period was then followed by the “Little Ice Age” in which temperatures dropped significantly for the next four hundred years. One has to ask themselves what happened to cause this sudden global cooling process. Did the Mongols suddenly make an effort to reduce their own carbon footprint? Perhaps many of the people killed during the Spanish Inquisition were using too much hairspray?  All we know for sure is that temperatures quickly went down and stayed down for many centuries.

Now let’s fast forward a little bit to the Industrial Revolution.  The entire planet began to run on coal in the early 1800’s.  Steamships and steam-powered railroads became the primary means of transportation.   In 1880, we began to burn coal in order to generate electricity.  A few decades later we developed gas-guzzling cars which exploded into use all over the planet.  By 1940, we were burning coal and gasoline like crazy.   We were emitting more carbon during this period than in any other time throughout human history!  You suspect that average climate temperatures had to be skyrocketing during this period? Wrong!  Please don’t try to get ahead of me on this and start guessing what I am about to say… I am trying to explain everything.  Average global temperatures actually fell from 1940 to 1975 despite the fact that our planet’s carbon emissions were at an all-time high for the previous decades.  So how is this drop in temperatures possible if carbon emissions are so closely tied global temperatures?  Now, that is one of the smartest questions that you have asked me so far.

Let’s first look at the makeup of the Earth’s atmosphere.  Our atmosphere is made up of approximately 78 percent nitrogen, 21 percent oxygen, 0.93 percent argon, 0.04 percent carbon dioxide, and trace quantities of other gases.   Currently, the percentage of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is closer to 0.039 percent but I rounded up.  If you cranked up every coal plant on the planet then you still would not get this much above 0.049 percent which is still just barely beyond the rounding error.   But what about the “Greenhouse Effect”, you ask?  Couldn’t just a slight change in CO2 result in more heat becoming trapped in the Earth’s atmosphere?    Wow, you are like a dog with a freaking bone in regards to these questions.

Let’s say that you placed a cold spoon in a hot bowl of soup.  Then you come back and touch the spoon a few minutes later.  Ouch!  Why did you touch that spoon, you idiot?  It’s hot.  How did your spoon get so hot?  It was warmed by the hot soup, of course. If you checked the temperature of the spoon then you would quickly discover that the end of the spoon that was in the soup was much hotter than the handle part sticking out of the soup.   The hottest part of the spoon was closest to the original source of the heat.  Now let’s look at the Greenhouse Effect models for our planet. The troposphere is the area of the Earth’s atmosphere which traps these greenhouse gases and captures the heat from the sun.   If the troposphere is the source for our global warming then this section should obviously be the warmest part of our spoon.  However, studies of the Earth’s atmosphere have repeatedly shown that the “warmest part of the spoon” is the atmosphere closest to the ground!  So, the Earth’s ground is causing our global warming?  Oh, we are getting so close to the truth that you that can almost smell it!

Pro tip:  When you are trying to figure out the cause of the fluctuations in the Earth’s temperature, you might want to take into account that giant yellow hydrogen ball of plasma in the sky.   You know that thing that makes our temperatures go up to ninety degrees during the day and then drop down into the seventies when we turn our planetary back to it again at night?  Of course, I am talking about the sun!  The sun!  Who would have thunk it?   You may want to be sitting down for this next part. Yes… I am absolutely telling you that the 9,941 degree Fahrenheit sun is a much more significant factor for our climate’s temperature than the 0.04 percent of carbon dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere.

Increased solar activity can quite easily be recorded by observing an increased number of “sun spots” on the surface of the sun.  If one goes back and looks at the recorded history of sun spots over the past two-thousand years, one will quickly see a sharp correlation between solar activity and the Earth’s temperature.  Remember the Little Ice Age that I told you about?  This closely correlates with 400 years of some of the lowest solar activity in history.   The sun simply wasn’t as hot during this period when compared to the previous centuries before this.

Carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere have never correlated precisely with climate change, but scientists have discovered something else that correlates extremely closely with temperature fluctuations throughout history:  cosmic rays!   That’s right… these are the very same cosmic rays that gave Reed Richards and the rest of the Fantastic Four their amazing powers back in 1961.   These cosmic rays continuously come down from space and hit water droplets in the atmosphere which results in cloud formation.  When the sun is highly active then this results in fewer cosmic rays making it into our atmosphere resulting in fewer clouds.  Fewer clouds in the sky results in higher surface temperatures on Earth… wait a minute… higher surface temperatures!  That is the hot end of the spoon!   Our explanation now finally matches closely with our results!

Okay, so if everything that I said makes sense then how the heck can 97 percent of all scientists agree that man-made global warming is caused by carbon emissions?  This is where we get into the political aspect of this debate.   The origin for this current scientific and political quagmire rests squarely at the feet of the Iron Lady.  You heard me correctly…   Margaret Freaking Thatcher!   During the 1970’s, the prime minister of the United Kingdom was trying to convince a skeptical nation about the benefits of nuclear power.  This was just around the same time that global temperatures had started to rise.  Mrs. Thatcher decided to point towards a few words from a single disrespected Swedish scientist about his theories regarding carbon dioxide emissions and global temperature increases.   Politicians used this unproven theory to push for “cleaner” forms of energy production.  Governments then started paying for scientists to “prove” that these theories had merit.  The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) was established to prove the link between carbon emissions and global warming.  Scientists soon discovered an endless supply of money if they applied for government research grants with the words “global warming” and “carbon emission” in the application.   Scientists who did not agree with the premise did not need to apply.  Global warming became the “golden goose” of scientific research.   Saying that 97 percent of IPCC scientists agree that man-made global warming is real is like saying that 97 percent of people who work for Donald Trump agree that Donald Trump is awesome.  You get the results that you pay for.

There are plenty of scientists on this planet who know beyond a shadow of doubt that carbon dioxide emissions have absolutely nothing to do with global warming.  These people are now mocked and ostracized. They often struggle to find work.  Many find it impossible to get funding for research.  They have become social pariahs within the scientific community.  Just a few years ago, an official inquiry was launched to investigate a coordinated manipulation by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration of the global surface temperature data.  As throughout the course of history, our recent warming trend has now tapered off while many of our “top scientists” are under tremendous pressure to “prove” that this warming trend still exists.  For the record, I don’t have a problem with a society that does not have an answer for every question.  But I do have a huge problem with a society which believes that some answers should never be questioned.

So what is the point of all this?  Who cares if we are right or wrong about global warming?   The polar bears will be fine either way.  No harm.  No foul.  How does this affect you?  Well, if you live among the people in the developed world then it probably won’t affect you very much.  The government may try to regulate your carbon footprint and tell you what kind of car you can drive.  They may try to regulate industry and force expensive and unnecessary intervention which will ultimately be passed on to the consumer.   Your cost of living may go up a little bit for no reason.  But if you live in the undeveloped world then some of these regulations could suppress you for the remainder of your lifetime.  Laws are being enforced right now that prevents the developing world from utilizing the older and cheaper forms of energy production.  Often times this means not having energy at all for entire swaths of our global society.  It means keeping millions of Africans in the dark while we keep our lights on and while Al Gore flies around in his jumbo jet.

I am all for keeping this world clean.  The Earth is a beautiful place and we should make sure we leave it in as good of a condition as we found it.  I am a big fan of clean water and clean air.  We should all do everything within our power to make sure that our planet does not become polluted and uninhabitable.  We should not have to lie to our fellow citizens or stand with our collective foot on their necks in order to achieve these goals.