Category: Inspirational

My father-in-law finally lost his long and courageous battle with esophageal cancer.  He wasn’t just our most amazing family member… he was our hero.  I recently wrote a eulogy for him which was presented by my wife at his funeral yesterday and she spoke for every single one of us.  The following is the text of the original eulogy which we provided for our family.

“Most people would agree that William Kuriger was a man of few words.  If brevity is truly the soul of wit then he was very likely to be one of the wittiest men to ever walk the Earth.   Telling his family members that he loved them came quite easily throughout his life, but getting much else out of this man was sometimes a chore.  It often seemed that he considered each question presented to him as a personal challenge to provide an answer with the fewest number of words possible.

We live in a world that is so full of talk.   We are bombarded almost daily with people who brag about their lives and accomplishments.  Promises don’t seem to mean as much as they used to and words are often thrown around carelessly.  We are exposed to so much chatter these days that it has almost become background noise.  It makes you wonder how soft spoken people are ever supposed to get noticed in today’s world.

Bill Kuriger had plenty to say to every single one of us if we were just willing to listen… he simply spoke to us through non-conventional means.  He spoke to us through his sixty-year marriage to Dolores.  He taught us about the value of personal loyalty and uncompromising devotion. He showed us to take your marriage vows seriously including the parts about sickness and health.  He made sure we all knew that “happily ever after” isn’t just a phrase for storybooks.   He and his beloved wife took on major setbacks in life with a grace and dignity which was inspiring.

He spoke to us in the way that he raised his seven children.  He showed us the importance of being a provider for your family and the model of consistency.  His calm demeanor and steady presence earned respect from others and he offered mutual respect in return.  He spoke to us through the lives of his grandchildren, as well.  Their grandpa was always willing to read a story or play catch.  He was even willing to travel across the entire country in order to attend their wedding or graduation. He taught us all how to truly be present in the lives of our loved ones.

He spoke to our love of knowledge.  As a college professor at the University of Oklahoma, he taught multiple generations how to start asking the right questions.  He was usually the smartest guy in the room but he never acted like it.  He showed us all that we never stop being students and that we should always be open to the concept of learning new things.  He also spoke to our love of country. As a member of the United States Marine Corps, he taught all of us about the importance of selflessness, sacrifice, and raw determination.

Most importantly, Bill Kuriger spoke to all of us through his faith.  He did not need to use many words for himself as long as he lived in a manner which was true to the word of God.   He preached the gospel on a daily basis without even needing to open his mouth.   He told God that he loved Him in the best way possible… he showed Him.

We have gathered here today to remember the quiet and beautiful life of William Kuriger.  Everyone here today wants you to know that we were listening, Bill.  We heard you.  We found your amazing voice above the cacophony of endless chatter and background noise.  You were one of the greatest teachers that any of us ever knew… and you spoke volumes.”

 

 

“You touch my shoes and I will f%@king kill you”, a young gang-banger muttered under his breath to my family as we all boarded the crowded train.

I had just finished watching some of the March Madness tournament with my wife and son in Houston, Texas. As we entered the train car and headed back towards our hotel, my wife sat directly next to a young African-American male dressed complete in gangbanger garb with multiple tattoos and gold chains while I sat directly across from him. My son stood in the aisle just a few inches away from his very expensive “Air Jordan” basketball shoes.

This young man looked angry at the entire world. My son and I immediately heard the overt threat of violence from this young man as we boarded the train but my wife had not.

My wife just started looking at this boy and smiling.

“Oh, God… don’t do it, Janet.” I thought to myself. “This guy just threatened to kill us. Look straight ahead and do NOT talk to this guy.”

“So”, my wife said to the young man, “did you go to the basketball game?”

The boy looked legitimately startled that this middle-aged white woman whom he had just threatened would try to start a conversation with him.

“What?” He looked annoyed. “No way. I don’t have the money to do stuff like that.”

My wife replied, “Oh, I’m sorry. But it’s really fun. You should go someday if you get the chance.”

“Pfffftttt.” The boy dismissed her recommendation and gazed down at his smartphone which had a completely shattered screen.

My wife immediately noticed his broken phone and said to him, “Wow, your phone has had a rough life.”

“I have had a rough life!” He barked back at her in an attempt to get her to leave him alone.

My wife then immediately asked him, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Why have you had a rough life?”

I immediately thought to myself, “We are all going to die tonight. We are all totally going to die.”  My son continued to stare at his mother in silent disbelief.

“You wanna hear why I had a rough life? How long you gonna be on this train?” The young man chuckled at himself which also made my wife laugh.

“Y’all pretty cool. Y’all on vacation down here or something?” The boy said to my wife.

“Why yes, we are!” My wife proclaimed. She went on to tell this young “gang-banger” all about our vacation plans.

The next thing I know, this young man who had threated to kill us just moments earlier is engaged in SMALL TALK with my wife! They are both smiling and interacting with one another. They are making each other laugh!

Eventually, we reached our destination and my wife told him, “This is our stop, you have a great evening.”

“You, too.” The young man said. “Y’all enjoy the rest of your vacation.”

As we stepped off the train, my son approached his mother and said, “Mom, did you not hear that guy threaten to KILL US?”

“What?” My wife was completely startled by this new information. “That boy was sweet. He was not going to kill anybody!”

I don’t know what my wife was thinking on this evening. Maybe she was just being naive or perhaps she was the wisest person on the train that night. All I know is that my sweet and wonderful wife is an amazing force for good in this ugly world… and sometimes love really does conquer all.

“I don’t know, dude… I just don’t know why any woman would ever choose to love me.” My friend took a big swig of beer as we both looked up into the night sky.

“What the heck are you talking about? Any girl would be lucky to have you,” I reassured him.

“Lucky,” he chuckled, “that’s not what I would call it.”

My buddy had lived the first twenty-three years of his life with the death sentence of cystic fibrosis hanging over his head. He normally tried to remain optimistic and confident. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking on this quiet night. Looking back, I suspect it was just a moment of honest self-reflection.

He then said in all seriousness, “I can’t have kids and I probably won’t live past my thirties. How could I ever ask a woman to marry that?”

I quickly responded, “You don’t look for a woman who wants to marry that… you just look for a woman who wants to marry you. None of us know how long we have on this Earth.”

“I feel sorry for anyone stupid enough to love me. They are just asking to get hurt,” my friend muttered as he stared down into his empty beer bottle.

“Shut up, man,” I told him emphatically, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Go get some sleep.”

This was not the person that my friend usually allowed the rest of the world to see. He was usually funny and boisterous. He was gentle and kindhearted. He would go on to courageously live the next two decades of his life with a sense of purpose. However, I suspect that he spent many of his early years worrying that he would someday become a burden and a source of pain to those around him.

I received the phone call a few days ago that I long feared. My friend had finally succumbed to cystic fibrosis at the age of forty-five. I immediately packed my bags and drove across the state to attend his funeral. What I found did not surprise me.

I found a kind and beautiful wife who was absolutely grief-stricken. I found her two children that my friend had been raising as his own. He had been a world-class husband and father. His family was surrounded by a large circle of friends who were completely heartbroken. I met a huge group of wonderful people who loved my old friend fearlessly. They saw a man each day with an infectious smile and an inspirational attitude… not some doomed soul with an early expiration date. Most importantly, I met a group of amazing individuals who would love this man all over again if given a second chance. In the end, he filled an entire church with a massive crowd of people who were not afraid to love him.

We all miss him right now.

We are all hurting.

I hope he realized at some point in his life that he would always be worth the pain.

1) There is no such thing as a “mean drunk”. If he is mean to you when he drinks then he is just mean. The alcohol simply unchains the man.

2) A man should never hit or push a defenseless woman. He doesn’t hit you because you treat him poorly.   He does not do this because you get “up in his face”. He hits you because he is an asshole.

3) Having a bad childhood is not an excuse for being a bad adult. Good people take bad experiences from the past and turn them into something positive. Bad people take bad experiences from the past and turn them into excuses.

4) If he hits you once then he will hit you again. Apologies are just intermissions from the violence.

5) Trying to fix an abusive husband is like trying to turn a ticking time bomb into a lovely bouquet of roses. It is only a matter of time before the whole thing just blows up in your face.

6) If you blame yourself after your husband physically attacks you then congratulations… you have just become his psychological puppet.  He is using your own empathy against you.

7) You can tell your children whatever you want. You can attempt to teach your kids how to be wonderful people. Your children will ultimately learn how to treat a woman by watching how your husband treats you.

8) If you are ever even briefly frightened for your life because of your husband then he should never know where you sleep going forward.

9) There is never a good excuse to stay. Issues with money and children will work themselves out over time.   You should not be afraid of the unknown. The known in your life is frightening enough.

10) Nobody intentionally marries an abusive husband.   You are not “just like one of those women”. You ARE one of those women.

I am happy to join with you today in fond remembrance of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  I was born just one year after Dr. King was abruptly taken from this Earth.  Three score years ago, this great American, in whose symbolic shadow we all stand today, marched bravely through the streets of rural Alabama in the famous Montgomery bus boycotts.  He stood up for a woman who refused to stand so that we could all someday stand as one.

But sixty years later we would appear to be just as divided as ever.  Sixty years later our prison system is blacker than ever.  We see images on our televisions of white police officers choking an unarmed black man to death and we see young black men gunning down other police officers in retaliation.

We refuse to see that we are growing morally bankrupt as a society.  Each side blindly points to the other as the sole reason for these problems.  Politicians attempt to racially divide us in order to gain political advantage.  Both blacks and whites appear to be unwilling to look into their own mirror for a solution.

I call on all of you in America today to recognize the fierce urgency of now.  This is no time to engage in the luxury of procrastination.  These problems will not fix themselves over the next few election cycles.  We have far too many enemies around the world for us to continue being enemies to each other.  Now is the time to make real the promises of past generations.  Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of racial division to the sunlit valley of racial unity.  Now is the time to teach the lesson of unconditional love and acceptance to all of God’s children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of this moment.  Two thousand and fifteen is not an end, but a beginning.  And those who hope that the people who rioted in Ferguson just needed to blow off some steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual.  There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until all its citizens are treated equally without prejudice in the eyes of the law.  The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of true justice emerges.

But this is a message not only for those who fight against our cause.  This is an urgent message for those currently engaged on our side of the struggle.  In the process of gaining your rightful place, you must not be guilty of wrongful deeds.  Do not satisfy your thirst for justice by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.  We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence.  We must always hold ourselves to the very highest standards of morality.

We will not win this struggle by continuing to refer to our friends by the same hurtful names that our enemies use to degrade us.  We will find it difficult to keep our heads held high if we cannot even keep our pants held up.  We will lose this fight if we don’t hold all of our women in the same high regard that we would hold our own mothers and sisters.  We must reject the pop culture message of misogyny and bravado and we must once again embrace God’s message of love and decency.  Today, we must become the fathers that our children so desperately need.

We have been engulfed by a growing militarized police state, but this must not lead us to distrust an entire race of people.  Some of us may be unfairly profiled and treated with prejudice from time to time but we will not be divided.  The fate of white and black America is inextricably bound.  We will rise or fall as one.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream.  It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that we will someday elect and support politicians not because they look like us but because they think as we do.

I have a dream that our old and outdated words of hate will someday be a distant memory in the vocabulary of our nation’s history.

I still have a dream that our children will live in a nation where they will be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

Rest in peace, Dr. King.  Your dream still lives in me.