Describing Donald

I now present to the world my country music video, “Describing Donald.”   I hope you all appreciate my skilled guitar playing and not just my singing.  Oh yeah, I almost forgot… just one more thing.   Vote Gary Johnson in 2016.

Wivez n the Hood

gang member

“You touch my shoes and I will f%@king kill you”, a young gang-banger muttered under his breath to my family as we all boarded the crowded train.

I had just finished watching some of the March Madness tournament with my wife and son in Houston, Texas. As we entered the train car and headed back towards our hotel, my wife sat directly next to a young African-American male dressed complete in gangbanger garb with multiple tattoos and gold chains while I sat directly across from him. My son stood in the aisle just a few inches away from his very expensive “Air Jordan” basketball shoes.

This young man looked angry at the entire world. My son and I immediately heard the overt threat of violence from this young man as we boarded the train but my wife had not.

My wife just started looking at this boy and smiling.

“Oh, God… don’t do it, Janet.” I thought to myself. “This guy just threatened to kill us. Look straight ahead and do NOT talk to this guy.”

“So”, my wife said to the young man, “did you go to the basketball game?”

The boy looked legitimately startled that this middle-aged white woman whom he had just threatened would try to start a conversation with him.

“What?” He looked annoyed. “No way. I don’t have the money to do stuff like that.”

My wife replied, “Oh, I’m sorry. But it’s really fun. You should go someday if you get the chance.”

“Pfffftttt.” The boy dismissed her recommendation and gazed down at his smartphone which had a completely shattered screen.

My wife immediately noticed his broken phone and said to him, “Wow, your phone has had a rough life.”

“I have had a rough life!” He barked back at her in an attempt to get her to leave him alone.

My wife then immediately asked him, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Why have you had a rough life?”

“We are all going to die tonight. We are all going to die.” I immediately thought to myself. My son continued to stare at his mother in silent disbelief.

“You wanna hear why I had a rough life? How long you gonna be on this train?” The young man chuckled at himself which also made my wife laugh.

“Y’all pretty cool. Y’all on vacation down here or something?” The boy said to my wife.

“Why yes, we are!” My wife proclaimed. She went on to tell this young “gang-banger” all about our vacation plans.

The next thing I know, this young man who had threated to kill us just moments earlier is engaged in SMALL TALK with my wife! They are both smiling and interacting with one another. They are making each other laugh!

Eventually, we reached our destination and my wife told him, “This is our stop, you have a great evening.”

“You, too.” The young man said. “Y’all enjoy the rest of your vacation.”

As we stepped off the train, my son approached his mother and said, “Mom, did you not hear that guy threaten to KILL US?”

“What?” My wife was completely startled by this new information. “That boy was sweet. He was not going to kill anybody!”

I don’t know what my wife was thinking on this evening. Maybe she was just being naive or perhaps she was the wisest person on the train that night. All I know is that my sweet and wonderful wife is an amazing force for good in this ugly world… and sometimes love really does conquer all.

Dear Colin Kaepernick


Dear Colin Kaepernick,

You don’t have to stand at attention during the national anthem if you don’t want to. You live in a free country. Tens of thousands of Americans have died throughout our history in order to protect your right to protest in any way that you wish. Many people in this country such as yourself have a legitimate issue with recurrent prejudicial practices within our law enforcement system. A variety of means to address these concerns are readily available in a free society. You need to understand however that the symbolism of your recent gesture is grossly misguided.

I can assure you without hesitation that the United States of America is not your problem. In fact, this great nation is the fearless gatekeeper that keeps the real nasty guys in this evil world at bay while we all work out our petty differences. I would recommend that you go over to Syria for a few months and then see for yourself where you rank “unfair police practices” on your overall list of sociopolitical concerns.

You are a lucky man for many reasons tonight. You are lucky because you were born with raw athletic talent. You are lucky that you were born in the United States of America where you are allowed to profit wildly from that talent. But most of importantly, you are lucky because our flag doesn’t give a damn about your antics this weekend. You can ignore that flag… you can turn your back on it… you can spit on it… and you can even burn that flag if you want to. The American flag and all of the amazing people that it represents will continue to protect you and your God-given right to express yourself in any way you see fit.

But please understand how you appear to the rest of us when you express this open resentment towards our flag. You look like a fish that resents water or a plant that resents sunlight. You appear too foolish to understand the very environment around you which has been keeping you safe and allowing you to flourish. The United States of America has been acting as your own personal diving cage in a world full of sharks. Some people might mistakenly think that it took courage to do what you did this weekend. The real courage was exhibited by brave Americans over the past 238 years who paved the way for you to be able to protest this weekend without fear of serious retribution. You were trashing our country while still hiding behind Lady Liberty’s skirt.

We need to have a serious discussion about race relations, gun violence, and prejudicial police practices in this country. However, you are no longer qualified to lead this discussion. You trashed the American flag. You trashed the very same flag which protects all of our personal freedoms… and we all have the God-given constitutionally-protected right going forward to ignore your stupid sorry ass.


An American Citizen

What if Lemonade Stands Were Run Like the United States Healthcare Industry?


Lemonade would originally start out at twenty-five cents per cup.  A large sign would advertise the price and anyone who was thirsty and had a quarter could purchase a cup of lemonade.

Some people eventually start showing up at the lemonade stands who are very thirsty but do not have any money.  Politicians decide that this is not fair.

The government sets up a system where the neighbors living down the street pay for any of the lemonade that the poor customers cannot afford.   They set the price at a dime per cup.  For the lack of a better term, this government program is called “Lemon-aid.”

The lemonade stand operators begin to sell cheaper lemonade to the low-income customers but they soon realize that they are losing money on each customer because of the cost of the ingredients.  They decide to continue to sell poor people lemonade for a dime but they begin to sell lemonade to everyone else for fifty cents per cup in order to make up the difference.

Poor people from all around the neighborhood find out about the “affordable” lemonade.  They start coming around and ordering multiple cups.  The lemonade stand operators increase prices on paying customers once again to make up the difference due to the increased volume of low-income customers.  Due to the high volume of customers, the lemonade stand operators decide that they need to hire extra employees to help produce the lemonade.  The cost of these new employees is added to the price of the lemonade.

Eventually, a few of the customers get very sick after drinking the lemonade. People believe that some of the lemonade was possibly contaminated.  They sue the lemonade stand operators and each victim is awarded with ten-thousand dollars.  People in the neighborhood hear of this news and other customers start falsely claiming that their lemonade was also contaminated in order to file their own lawsuits.  The lemonade stand owners decide to purchase insurance as protection from future lawsuits.  The cost of this insurance is passed on to the consumer through the price of the lemonade.

Politicians hear the news that multiple people are having issues with possible lemonade contamination.  They require that all lemonade stand operators become licensed.  These lemonade stand operators have to pass a test every seven years to prove that they still know how to make lemonade which is both safe and delicious.  These tests costs one-thousand dollars each and the expense from these exams are then passed on to the consumer.

It is soon discovered that a few lemonade stand operators were billing “Lemon-aid” payments for lemonade that had not actually been sold.  These lemonade stand operators are sent to jail on “Lemon-aid” fraud charges.  Because of this, politicians decide that all lemonade stand operators need to provide extensive documentation for each cup of lemonade that is produced.  Each document needs to have fourteen descriptive bullet points for each cup of lemonade sold or the lemonade stand operator will otherwise not be reimbursed.

Lemonade stand operators subsequently hire extra staff members to deal with required increased documentation of lemonade production.  The costs of these new salaries are added to the cost of the lemonade.  Lemonade stand operators tell the government that they can no longer afford to sell lemonade to low-income customers at just a dime per cup.  The price of everyone’s lemonade begins to climb dramatically.

As prices continue to skyrocket, more and more people find that lemonade has simply become unaffordable.  Some people buy lemonade insurance which will help them to purchase lemonade but only when they really get thirsty.  Others simply go without lemonade.  Prices become so high that lemonade stand operators remove all advertised pricing from their lemonade stands.  Most customers have no idea what lemonade costs any longer because someone else is now paying for it.

The neighbors down the street are gradually becoming bankrupt while trying to pay for everyone else’s “Lemon-aid.”  After maxing out all of their personal credit cards, they set up a counterfeiting ring with printing presses in their basements in order to be able to continue paying for everyone else’s expensive lemonade.

A new mayor named Barry O’Malley is elected during all of this lemonade chaos.  Nobody knows how it happened, but somehow lemonade is over 50 dollars per cup.  He promises real solutions to address the overwhelming price of lemonade.   Mayor O’Malley ultimately decides that lemonade has now become too expensive because there is not enough oversight and government regulation. The community passes a law called the “Affordable Lemonade Act” but most people simply refer to it as O’Malleycare.

Laws go into place stating that everyone must purchase at least one-month worth of lemonade per year even if they don’t plan to come anywhere near a lemonade stand.   The law also states that small cups of lemonade are now illegal.  Everyone much purchase an extra-large 44-ounce cup of lemonade regardless of their individual thirst level.   The government then plans to subsidize people who cannot afford these mandatory payments by providing these people with money from the neighbors down the street who are already broke.   These mandatory payments are established on an insecure 200-million dollar government website which crashes every twenty seconds and retains no data.

Politicians also pass laws stating that each lemonade stand must purchase its own computer equipment in order to make all lemonade documentation electronic.  Portals must be set up so that any customer can access a computer and see exactly how their lemonade was produced.   Rules are established that ten-percent of all customers must be given “lemonade information handouts” which explains to them exactly how lemonade is made.  Each lemonade stand is responsible for documenting how many information handouts were given to their customers.  More people are hired to deal with all of the new rules and regulations.  These costs are passed down to the cost of the lemonade.

Some of the older lemonade stand operators do not like the new rules and they decide to leave the lemonade making business for good.  In order to save money, these experienced individuals are replaced with trained monkeys who wear tiny hats and are referred to as “lemonade stand assistants”.  The original lemonade stand operators who remain are told that they have to produce lemonade twice as fast as they used to while keeping up with all of the new layers of documentation.  Inexplicably, the quality of lemonade continues to decline while the price of lemonade continues to go up.

The citizens gradually become frustrated and turn their anger towards the lemonade stand operators themselves.  They start referring to lemonade stand operators as “heartless” and “greedy money-grubbers.”

The people turn their attention to politicians who claim that government has not done enough to fix this problem.

They begin to believe that lemonade is a God-given right and that all lemonade should be free for everyone.

They still have not learned the very painful lesson that nothing is ever actually free in our complex and ever-evolving economy.

They still do not understand the important principle that government “help” eventually comes with a very steep cost.













Libertarianism 101

Libertarian Flag

Allow me to explain something about Libertarians. Just because we believe something should be legalized does not mean that we condone it in any way.

I believe that prostitution should be legalized. I also believe that this is a pretty terrible way to make a living.

I believe that drugs should be legalized. I absolutely hate drugs and wish that they did not exist.

I think that driving around without wearing a seat belt should be legal and I would never get in a car without wearing one.

I believe that homosexual couples should have every legal right that heterosexual couples enjoy and I am not attracted to men in any way except for an occasional fleeting issue with Ryan Gosling.

Libertarians do not push for changes in our legal system because we are a bunch of hedonists who want to have a huge drug-fueled orgy. We push for these changes because we believe in constitutional liberty.

We believe that consenting adults should be able to do whatever they please as long as they are not hurting anyone else.

We don’t believe in passing laws to prevent people from going to hell.

We believe that adults are responsible for their own decisions.

We believe that adults are responsible for the repercussions from those decisions.

We believe those same adults are responsible for their own healthcare costs in order to deal with the aftermath from those repercussions.

We believe that the legal system should only be used to protect us from everyone else and should never be used to protect us from ourselves.

Libertarianism allows for everyone to achieve their true potential in life regardless of how good or bad that outcome might be. Adults don’t need parents. Adults need freedom.

The Art of Bullying by Donald Trump

donald trump

1) Verbally assault anyone who gets in your way.  Simply describe yourself as a counter-puncher even when you have attacked your opponent first.  This is not Han Solo vs Greedo.  Most people aren’t paying attention.

2) Provide persistent anecdotal evidence that people are constantly coming up to you and stating that you are clearly in the right while your opponent is in the wrong.  This cannot be disproved and creates a powerful false aura of political consensus.

3) Don’t insult people in the first person.  Use terms like “everybody knows that he is a liar” and “everyone thinks that she is a loser.”  This helps to easily herd those who are already susceptible to a herd mentality.

4) Get everyone laughing at your opponent’s physical flaws.  It really helps if your opponent has a physical disability or a birth defect but any obvious physical flaw will do.

5) If your opponent is an unattractive then you simply call them ugly.  If your opponent is an attractive woman then you call her a bimbo.  If your opponent is an attractive man then you call him an idiot.   If you opponent is an attractive man who is clearly not an idiot then you call him a pedophile.

6) If you say something that is completely reprehensible and indefensible then you should quickly attack the oppressive atmosphere of political correctness without apologizing.

7) If you say something that is so overtly ridiculous that even you don’t believe it, this statement should quickly be followed by at least three iterations of “I guarantee it.”

8) If you look like you have a dead animal living on top of your head then you should never make fun of your opponent’s hair.  It also helps to wed a new young attractive mate every eight to ten years so that you can easily make fun of everyone else’s ugly and aging spouses.

9) Bombast trumps logic and facts every single time… don’t get mired in the truth when destroying your opponents.

10) Once people surrender to your bullying then you should immediately back off.  It doesn’t matter if you called them an idiot yesterday.  Call them wonderful just as soon as they say something nice about you.  This creates a positive feedback loop to keep them in line.  You have now just made this person your little bitch going forward.

What a Wonderful World It Could Be

I want to live in a world where people are allowed to protect themselves by any means necessary from physical harm but not from other people’s opinions.

– where I can learn a trade skill and not have this talent leased back to me by my government for a small annual fee.

– where I can fish, hunt, and grow food without asking anyone else’s permission.

– where a dude can walk down a street wearing a dress and everyone else will just leave him the hell alone.

– where I can call a black person an idiot without being considered a racist.

– where last place doesn’t get you a trophy but it does provide you with an important life lesson.

– where I can earn a currency that our government is not slowly turning into toilet paper.

– where child predators are classified by their previous actions and not by their clothes.

– where skin color is just as insignificant as hair color or eye color.

– where people will stop talking about Jesus all of the time and start acting like him.

– where everyone just stays out of everyone else’s damn business.

– where people talk less and listen more.

– where people react less and ponder more.

– where people stand united against evil rather than repeatedly turning a blind eye.

– where we take care of each other rather than asking our government to do the job for us.

I want to live in a world where each individual is provided with the personal space to succeed beyond their wildest dreams or fail spectacularly.

I realize that this world does not exist right now.

But we could start building it today.

One person at a time.

The Road Not Taken


trump and sanders

The “United” States of America has now become so politically polarized that a crony capitalist and an overt communist are currently leading in the polls while a large swath of voters in the middle go completely unrepresented.

Trump is not just a “capitalist”… he is the worst kind of capitalist. He uses his wealth to influence politicians and to ultimately get what he wants. He uses the laws created by this influence to circumvent the rights of others. He uses eminent domain laws to take the property of others. He uses bankruptcy laws to clear himself of his previous financial obligations. Donald Trump is the ugly underbelly of capitalism.

Sanders is not just a “democratic socialist”… there is a reason that the Democratic party has been unable to explain the difference between a Democrat and a socialist. The Democratic party became a socialist party many years ago. Bernie Sanders is now using the old definition of “democratic socialism” which is what we all called communism over fifty years ago. Do you remember the old USSR? The second “S” stands for socialists. By most modern definitions, Bernie Sanders voices political positions which currently border on our old definitions of communism.

The United States of America is currently at a crossroads… and from my vantage point, both paths will lead us straight to hell.

How To Completely Collapse An Economy In Four Easy Steps

Step 1: Establish a large federal welfare state which takes care of all people from cradle to grave.

Step 2: Open your borders to everyone and then grant citizenship to anyone who enters.

Step 3: Force private business to pay all citizens fifteen dollars per hour regardless of each individual’s training or labor contribution.

Step 4: Make sure to shame anyone who objects to this by calling them a “closed-minded and cold-hearted racist” in order to silence them and prevent them from interfering with the overall economy-imploding process.

My Name Is Michael But You Can Call Me Henry


My name is Michael but you can call me Henry.

“Henry” is an acronym for High-Earner-Not-Rich-Yet.

That’s me.

I’m the guy that did everything right.

I come from a family of immigrants who pulled themselves up from far below the poverty line.

My parents stressed to me the importance of a good education.

Neither my wife nor myself have ever been personally provided with a single dime of inheritance.

I took all of the hardest classes in college and studied at least eight hours per day while many others around me goofed off and had a good time.

I went to medical school and became a doctor.

When I was in my 20’s, I often worked over 90 hours per week in residency while making only 33,000 dollars per year.

Even though I worked 90 hour work-weeks during my residency, I still usually would moonlight on most weekends for additional 60 hour shifts in order to rapidly pay down my loans.

I have never asked a union leader to artificially inflate my value in the workplace.

For years, my wife and I lived in an 88,000 dollar home which we quickly paid off and got into the early habit of saving at least 50 percent of our income.

My wife and I stood by and watched people with one sixth of our household income purchase houses at least three times bigger than ours with no money down.

I buy almost all of my clothes at Wal-Mart and many people who do not know me simply assume that I am poor.

My wife and I paid off over 160,000 dollars of debt before I turned twenty eight.

I started my own business and eventually purchased a large apartment complex.  I gradually paid down the mortgage on this property until it was completely paid off.

I have always paid all of my taxes and the only contribution to my lifetime criminal record was a speeding ticket which I received when I was 18-years-old.

I have absolutely no debt.

I did not “cheat” anyone else to get where I am today.

I have never played the “victim card.”

I have never received a single penny of public assistance.

I have never declared bankruptcy or asked for any of my debt to be “forgiven.”

I drive a ten-year-old used pick-up truck and I paid cash for it.

My house is over 40 years old and has a few holes in it but it’s mine.

I took all of my money out of the stock market in 2007 and completely avoided the market collapse.

I would like to say I have been fortunate in life but this is untrue.  I have earned everything I have through planning, education, and hard work.

I usually pick political candidates that get around four percent of the popular vote.

My wife and I paid slightly over 310,000 dollars in federal, state, property, and sales taxes in 2010 alone.

My wife and I have contributed to Social Security for over twenty years with the expectation that we will never see a dime of this money.

I don’t have a personal chef, personal trainer, or butler.  I hire a housekeeper to clean our house twice a month and she drives a car much nicer than the one I drive.

I plan to avoid the upcoming currency collapse by putting many of my assets into commodities and real estate.

My country now runs up huge amounts of debt and turns its eyes to me once again.

I am told that I need to pay my fair share of taxes.

I am told that I should feel grateful for what I have.

I am told that the fruits of my labor will eventually need to be “redistributed.”

I now see large crowds of young Americans attending the political rallies of self-described socialists.

I am told not to complain about my current situation.

I say all of this not to complain… but simply to inform.

I am tired.

I am growing weary of a system that punishes the winners and rewards the losers.

I am growing angry over a system of taxation without representation.

I announced last year that I was officially walking away from the practice of medicine for good.

My country has lost another doctor and another taxpayer.

I do not seek your approval for my life choices and I couldn’t care less about your criticism.

I am going to focus less on making money and more on improving myself by exercising, reading, and teaching myself to become maximally self-sufficient.

I am awaiting our country’s economic collapse.

Most importantly, I am going to teach my son about the principles that this country was founded on.  I pray that he can be the kind of individual who can pick up the pieces and help rebuild this country into something great once again.

Our citizens will soon learn that we all get the country that we deserve.